Holiday Hangover

Mind you, the kind of holiday hangover that is haunting me cannot be produced or replicated by any type of alcohol. No. This kind of hangover can only come from knowing that your vacation time is wearing thin. And soon, it will be reduced yet again from vacation time, to school time. I wouldn't mind it, were it not for the horrible realization that I'm starting to see more and more people wear scarves.

DOUCHEBAG

When I see assholes people wearing these silly scarves, I know immediately that we have nothing in common, and that we could never be friends or have any meaningful kind of relationship. Now, you might be saying to yourself, "This guy is a scarfist!" (Scarfism- The belief that scarves and those who wear scarves are somehow inferior.)

But you must understand, I only hate the many douchebags—you know the kind, with product in their hair, and the popped collars— that wear these damn things. Wearing a scarf feels like the result of a weak midget's dwarf's (they're not real anyway) attempt at strangling you. Some people define this feeling as cozy, but that's just their bullshit propaganda. Do the world a favor, if you ever see people like that (pictured above) tighten the rope around their neck.