Sunday, January 25, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Friday, January 9, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Christmas Or Holiday? You decide.
The Supreme Court has officially declared the word Christmas to be offensive and politically incorrect as we all now celebrate 'Holiday'. The event is popular for celebrating the birth of "Generic, nameless savior and/or prophet," as well as the glory of "Intelligent, all-powerful being." Holiday is one of the most popular celebrations in the United States today.
Christmas is also called X-mas by fans of the X-Men, who celebrate the day as "International X-Men Day". They believe that Jesus Christ was in fact a superhero. The Bible confirms this, listing such superpowers as healing, foretelling the future, heat vision, underwater breathing, flying, walking on water, super human strength and the ability to destroy evil with a wink of his eye and a thumbs up.
On a different note, while Santa is a generally feared man, in some parts of the world he is highly revered for prompting the sexual awakening of youngsters. California in the United States is among the most active of all Santa-supporting administrative areas. Many towns have changed their names in honour of the man sodomizing the prettiest girl in the village in exchange for many cheap and nasty cap-guns. Notably are the towns of Santa Monica, Santa Barbara and Santa Maria (a refinement on 'Santa did Monica', 'Santa Shagged Barbara"'and 'Santa got Maria Pregnant"). Many victims of Santa wind up as actors and actresses in Hollywood, California and struggle to sustain relationships as a result. It is also noteworthy the state of California also allowed pop super-star Michael Jackson to behave in a similar manner by approving the construction of Neverland Ranch.
Even with all of Santa's legal troubles, he is exempt from legal prosecution.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Don't Get TOS'd
For those of you that haven't heard:
" The MySpace suicide case concluded last week, with the jury finding Lori Drew guilty of three misdemeanor counts of gaining unauthorized access to the popular social-networking site.
While most of the press attention has been focused on the specifics of the case, the more important issue is the potential impact this could have on the Internet in general.
Web sites terms of service, which end users universally ignore, suddenly have teeth: violating them is a federal hacking offense, punishable with jail time. The days of being able to freely lie on the Web could be coming to an end. This could mean serious trouble for people who lie about their age, weight, or marital status in their online dating profiles."
So if you're on MySpace or Facebook, lying about your age, or your status states "Single" when you're not -- these can all be punishable by law now.
On another note, that kind of fucks up some of the other internet users. An example might be a high school kid on Google researching "homework", let's call it. According to Google's TOS, and the Department of Justice, that kid is a criminal.
And all those people who have lied about their age or weight on any social networking profile would now appear to be computer hackers. Oh, and if you gain 30 pounds after posting your profile and don't promptly update it--yep, jail for you.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
W.O.W. Sequel
I don't really follow this whole World of Warcraft shit - oops, just lost half a billion fans - but it turns out they just pumped out a sequel for it called Wrath of the Lich King.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
What Are You Going To Be For Halloween?
I know what you're thinking - my first answer was gonna be "wasted" too, but I actually thought this one out. This year, I'm gonna be an emu. Not just a regular old emu; an emo emu. Yeah... try saying that three times fast. In case you're wondering what an emo emu might look like, I've went ahead and uploaded that picture at the top for you're viewing pleasure. I'm sure if an emo emu had arms, he'd cut himself. I'm probably not going to have the whole costume thing going. A t-shirt with the words, "For me to like you, I must dislike myself" will have to suffice. What are you gonna be? Let me guess - Joker from Dark Knight. Maybe you guys should go as Heath Ledger instead. Much more creepy to see him walking around.
Monday, October 13, 2008
About Your Language...
As I’m working on my laptop, my friend Jim walks into the room. The following conversation ensues:
“Have you seen this kid on YouTube? The one who made all that Halo shit out of cardboard? That's dedication. Or like... autism,” I look up and tell him.
“I guess it's alright,” Jim replies; coldly adding, “It's not as cool as the shit I can make.”
“You can't make any shit.” I reply.
He pauses for a moment. “Oh yeah? Well, you know my friend Juan?
I made him out of cardboard.”
“Juan Ortega is not made out of cardboard!” I tell him in half laughter.
“It's true. I built him a cardboard house, full of cardboard furniture. And every night when he lies in that cardboard bed, he cries cardboard tears.” At this point I’m laughing as hard as humanly possible. Oblivious to my reaction, Jim adds, “Because the one thing - the only thing - I couldn't make out of cardboard... was love.”
Language can be very useful in many situations. Language can produce feelings; language can account events, and tell stories of past civilizations or people. Sadly, you won’t find the reason of the Maya civilization collapse on here, but you will better understand language.
Many people say that, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” I like to think of it as a thousand words are worth a picture. This way, you don’t need a canvas or brush to paint portraits for people. You can use your words. And you, the artist, can emote feelings to your audience. Of course, you don’t have to use expletives in a random anecdote to make someone laugh or smile. One must simply try and paint a vivid masterpiece, so to speak, by using one’s words, (one’s language) and hope for the best.
For example, say you’re a guy trying to express your feelings to a girl you fancy. Some of my friends’ approaches might go something like this:
“Hey. You’re really hot. You wanna go make-out?”
Girl leaves, disgusted.
As you might expect, he may not be the most linguistical guy in the world. However, he might have gotten a better result had he approached her something like this:
“Hello – I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you look tonight. Would you mind having some dinner with me later?”
If the guy had followed this example, the next phrase out of his mouth could have been, “Good morning.”
Having read this, hopefully you will start listening - actually listening - to what you say to other individuals, and not just blurt out something unnecessary and profane for the simple shock value, like so many unoriginal comedians do nowadays, ahem, Dane Cook. From now on be more alert to how other people talk around you, and see the kind of mood they’re in, or what they are feeling. Here are my “thousand words”; I’ll leave it up to you to paint the picture.
“Have you seen this kid on YouTube? The one who made all that Halo shit out of cardboard? That's dedication. Or like... autism,” I look up and tell him.
“I guess it's alright,” Jim replies; coldly adding, “It's not as cool as the shit I can make.”
“You can't make any shit.” I reply.
He pauses for a moment. “Oh yeah? Well, you know my friend Juan?
I made him out of cardboard.”
“Juan Ortega is not made out of cardboard!” I tell him in half laughter.
“It's true. I built him a cardboard house, full of cardboard furniture. And every night when he lies in that cardboard bed, he cries cardboard tears.” At this point I’m laughing as hard as humanly possible. Oblivious to my reaction, Jim adds, “Because the one thing - the only thing - I couldn't make out of cardboard... was love.”
Language can be very useful in many situations. Language can produce feelings; language can account events, and tell stories of past civilizations or people. Sadly, you won’t find the reason of the Maya civilization collapse on here, but you will better understand language.
Many people say that, “a picture is worth a thousand words.” I like to think of it as a thousand words are worth a picture. This way, you don’t need a canvas or brush to paint portraits for people. You can use your words. And you, the artist, can emote feelings to your audience. Of course, you don’t have to use expletives in a random anecdote to make someone laugh or smile. One must simply try and paint a vivid masterpiece, so to speak, by using one’s words, (one’s language) and hope for the best.
For example, say you’re a guy trying to express your feelings to a girl you fancy. Some of my friends’ approaches might go something like this:
“Hey. You’re really hot. You wanna go make-out?”
Girl leaves, disgusted.
As you might expect, he may not be the most linguistical guy in the world. However, he might have gotten a better result had he approached her something like this:
“Hello – I’m sorry, I just couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you look tonight. Would you mind having some dinner with me later?”
If the guy had followed this example, the next phrase out of his mouth could have been, “Good morning.”
Having read this, hopefully you will start listening - actually listening - to what you say to other individuals, and not just blurt out something unnecessary and profane for the simple shock value, like so many unoriginal comedians do nowadays, ahem, Dane Cook. From now on be more alert to how other people talk around you, and see the kind of mood they’re in, or what they are feeling. Here are my “thousand words”; I’ll leave it up to you to paint the picture.
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